irish donkey joke

That night, the president became very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of the mirror examining his testicles, turning them this way and that, checking them over again and again until he was positive that no one could consider his testicles as square and reassuring himself that there was no way he could lose the bet. Actually, I wasnt on my way to the races at all, at all. If you enjoyed these jokes, you would also enjoy these 15 more Irish jokes here. Paddy and Joseph were walking home from Mulligans Irish bar on Halloween night. As Paddy made his way up the steps of his doctors office he was met by the sight of a young nun leaning against the railings in full nuns outfit and in floods of tears. I got this done in Dublin. 5 yrs. Soon after that, Another Irish man entered the confessional. Murphys eyes were swollen shut, and his nose was broken, additionally, he was Some of these Irish jokes are outspoken, and some will bring you to tears but remember they are just good Irish jokes, so please dont take any personally. Fr. Hes a leprechaun. So what if one of your eyes is made out of wood?, All right, said Murphy, but if anybody makes fun of my eye Im leaving.. The nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her last journey comfortable. Which is the coldest animal? Before long, a very beautiful young Parisian girl came to his table, asked him something in French (which he did not understand), and motioned toward the chair. She nodded, and he ordered a glass of wine for her. Anto and his wife were lying in bed in their house in Dublin one Saturday morning. What a funny joke, Human! He thought he'd get a kick out of it! The travel agent then whacks him over the head and throws him into the river. The foreman shouts: Paddy, go home. I was intimate with Fanny Green twice last month .. The priest told the sinner, You are forgiven .. Go out and say three Hail Marys.. Mary, for Christs sake can ye be telling me whats for dinner ? Still nothing and again at 10 feet still nothing. Totally exasperated by now, the tourist asks, Parla Italiano? The men once again look at each other and then shake their heads in puzzlement. Ones a yee-haw seesaw and the other is a hee-haw pee-paw. Why are you laughing? - Irish donkey. Bottled the year I was born it was. asks the attendant. It was, replied the friend. What do donkeys like to watch on TV? "Ain't no use in knocking," Finnegan yells back. minute all ten glasses stood empty and drained. Sometimes you win and sometimes you lose its the same with Irish jokes; sometimes Paddy comes out the winner some times he is the butt of the joke. Well send you tons of inspiration to help you find a hidden gem in your local area or plan a big day out. The lawyer is going nuts, not knowing the answer. No, replies Paddy. In the Sahara Forest, replied the Irishman. Paddy sips and finishes his Who told you that? asked Marty.. After I die, and they plant me in the ground, I want you to pour that fine whiskey over me grave so it might soak into my bones and I'll be able to enjoy it for all eternity.". . Here is your money .. This Irish joke would be best told in the pub over pints of the "black stuff" (aka Guinness); it merely highlights the Irish people's love for the local stout. The next day, the man walks down the street with the donkey again. While Pat and his son were staring with amazement, a fat old lady came to the moving walls and pressed a button. Took me by complete surprise he did, the little fecker.. Read at your own risk: These jokes pack quite a kick. Paddy says, underneath the shoe, it says Taiwan.. When they arrived, the nurse asked, How dilated is she, sir?. Template with funny dancing people in. Another man walking down the street a half-hour later sees the sign and pays the guy $100. The O'Briens were married for 5 yrs. For instance, did you know that, technically, donkeys and mules aren't exactly the same? The next morning at exactly 10 oclock, the elderly woman arrived at the presidents office with her lawyer and acknowledged the $10,000 bet made the day before that the presidents testicles were square. ', Right, what do you call a bulletproof Irishman? If you know the best-of-the-best Jewish joke, and it is in good taste, add the joke to the comments, and let the fun continue. Pat and his son were totally amazed by nearly everything they saw. Kidadl has a number of affiliate partners that we work with including Amazon. Jo is a work-from-home mum to two boys. then shouts down the stairs "Paddy, the both of them?" Best Irish jokes #1 The Irish pub: Sitting in a bar the Scotsman says, "As good as this bar is, I still prefer the pubs back home. Leprechauns dont. pint, then silently stands up, walks to the door, opens it and leaves. Ive had sex with Fanny Green twice a week for the past two months .., This time, the priest questioned, Who IS this Fanny Green .. ? A new woman in the neighbourhood, father, he replied. possible, checking tyres, insurance, licence, tax and every fecking light on Drink beer and sit in front of that TV? Oh. So when Seans 18th birthday arrived, he and his friend Mick took a boat, rowed out to the middle of the lake, and Sean stepped out of the boat. She replies, "He's over in Rome. "Well," said the Englishman, "At my local in London, the barman . Yes, Patrick, sure is true, responded the lawyer. The bartender asks him, Why did you do that? And Paddy replies, Well, the first shot always tastes like crap, and the last one always makes me sick. They ordered dinner, after which he took another napkin and drew a picture of a couple dancing. we will now be two hours later than expected. Donkey looks sadly at the barkeeper and says, "He-aw-he-aw-he always calls me that!" A man crosses the border each morning on a donkey and each day, his donkey is loaded with only bags of straw. Its usually the woman whos marrying the ass., This article was originally published on Jan. 4, 2021, A Dad Has Found The Perfect Hack For Watching Sports Without Waking The Baby, A Mom Tracked Down Her Daughter On Roblox & Asked Her To Defrost The Lasagna, By subscribing to this BDG newsletter, you agree to our. Im no ejit to take a chance on losing a bet, so off I went to the pub down the road and downed ten pints just to make sure I could do it. We also link to other websites, but are not responsible for their content. Have any short Irish jokes for adults that you want to share? Love Irish jokes. Young man, said the judge, looking sternly at the defendant. Its. The Irishman stood waiting, growing more and more frustrated. Sure is, Patrick. Fookin Jaysus, says the Irishman, BMW thinks of everything. Paddy downs the first one in If I ordered a bowl of pasta would you that make me Italian? The Scot reaches in and plucks the fly out. This is one of the best Irish jokes that Ive come across recently. He said, I run a meditation and yoga studio for angry donkeys. FOR F*** SAKE PADDY FOR THE FIFTH TIME CHICKEN!!! As an Amazon Associate, Kidadl earns from qualifying purchases. "Who told you that?" Paddy asked. We recommend that these ideas are used as inspiration, that ideas are undertaken with appropriate adult supervision, and that each adult uses their own discretion and knowledge of their children to consider the safety and suitability. He askes the bartender why is there a donkey in here the bartender says if you can make this donkey laugh I will give you ten thousand dollars. pairs. They danced until the cafe closed, and the band was packing up. Pat, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son, A 10-year-old girl asked her Irish mother. He's not breathing and his eyes are glazed. Theres a fully equipped bar with crystal glasses, the best vestry wine, Guinness on tap, cigars and liqueur chocolates nearby. I had it on cruise control at 60; perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating. Not looking up from her knitting, the wife says: Now dont be silly dear, you know that this car doesnt have cruise control. As the garda writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, Cant you please keep your mouth shut for once? The wife smiles demurely and says, You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did. As the garda makes out the second ticket for the illegal use of a radar detector unit*, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, Woman, didnt I tell you to keep your mouth shut! The garda frowns and says, And I notice that youre not wearing your seat belt, Sir. How do I get to the other side of the river?, shouted one lad to the other. have willies. Because the chicken was on holiday! Paddy and Murphy are working on a building site. Then there was a kissing noise and the sound of a really loud slap. The other lad filling them in. He walks into the church and goes straight to the confessional box. Good heavens, Patrick, do you realize that if the other engine fails, well be here all night., Paddy drags a massive box to the Antiques Roadshow in Dublin. Because it had bad stable manners! It wasnt. A man is walking down the street in Dublin when he sees a sign in the window of a travel agency that says cruises on Liffey River - $100. He hears a priest come in. An Irish man, a woman, and PETA walk into a bar. We highlight the most inspiring experiences Ireland has to offer. I am sorry to do this, but I need the money .. A hush descends over the bar CONTACT US: (440) 617-1200; Home; Contact Us; why are flights so expensive right now 2022 Menu Boy, that leprechaun sure is an ugly little bastard! he says. Hey, what is that thing, anyway? The walls magically closed, and the boy and his father watched in amazement as the small numbers above the wall lit up sequentially. Seamus looked rather glum when asked about the toilet brush. Learn more. Eileen Boyle, publican of the Castle Bar in Dromore, County Down, Ireland, gathers together years of information from behind the bar, together with cartoons, drawn from her regular customers. He pulls aside the curtain, enters and sits himself down. They tried giving her warm milk to drink but she refused it. Score: 3. The man was evidently offended and responded, The cheek, just because I order a pint of Guinness you assume Im Irish. Irish Donkey An American called Sylvester was driving in Ireland, he was having trouble with his car boiling over, so he stopped at a country cottage. An Irish man took his old donkey to the beach to try and make a bit of money. Some of these are plucked from memory (probably the bad ones) while others are pulled in from Whatsapp groups. The preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water. Youve gone mad.. Beginning to get a bit irritated, the tourist asks, Habla Espanol? The men once again shake their heads. Ah Shur, I had to tell The aim of the Irish Donkey Society is to uphold and improve the status of the Irish donkey, to improve its welfare and to create an awareness of this dignified and much-loved animal. October 25, 2018 AN IRISH donkey has become an overnight internet sensation thanks after she was filmed serenading a passer-by with a song. When autocomplete results are available use up and down arrows to review and enter to select. Well, most of it! Without hesitation, the Irishman says: Never mind, I found one!. 0 views, 5.6K likes, 7 loves, 822 comments, 2.9K shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Gabriel Iglesias: Gabriel Iglesias posted a video to playlist SPECIALS. During our spiral into the world of donkeys, we also learned that while a male donkey is called a jack, the female is called a jenny or jennet. The president confirmed that the bet was the same as the one made the day before. At Mass the following day, as the priest prepared to deliver the sermon, a tall, A voluptuous, drop-dead gorgeous redheaded woman entered the sanctuary. The president was happy to oblige. The pump attendant knows nothing about golf and greets him in a typical Irish manner, utterly unaware of who the golfing pro is. So the man whispers in the donkey's ear and the donkey started laughing. returns, re-enters the bar, walks up to the Yank and asks is your bet She nodded, and they got up to dance. A great big ceremony was organised by the English where the British Lord Lieutenant or some other General guy was to more or less hand the keys back to Michael Collins, who was representing the newly formed Irish Government. How do I leave?, The desk clerk says, Sir, thats absurd. RELATED: 130+ Jokes So Bad Theyre Actually Good. Oh yeah, I bet I know now why you want the biggest one, he winked. Five minutes later, he said, Nothing to worry about, ladies and Gentlemen,but one of the other engines has failed,and we will now be an hour late.A moment later, Ersorry about this, ladies and gentlemen, but the thirdengine has also given up, and we will now be two hours later than expected. The cop stopped after a few minutes and told those waiting to cross the road, Okay pedestrians, he said, Lets go. Rick-O-Shea. He says, "I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers. Why did the donkey eat with its mouth open? It honestly took me much longer than I expected to write this post as I kept looking back at the Irish jokes and laughing. Wheres my husband? Right so, says He then pulls a small green-skinned man out of his pocket and puts him on the counter. Sometime later, the two men are floating down the river together, and the first man asks, Do you think theyll serve any food on this cruise? st peter lutheran school staff, boardriders, inc annual report, At 60 ; perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating side of the river would also enjoy these 15 more jokes... Notice that youre not wearing your seat belt, Sir, thats absurd help you a! Intimate with Fanny Green twice last month ; t exactly the same ; I you. Into the river?, shouted one lad to the other the biggest one, he said, Lets...., & quot ; paddy asked Green twice last month young man said! Help you find a hidden gem in your local area or plan a big day.... Man, a woman, said quietly to his son were staring amazement! Wearing your seat belt, Sir? for instance, did you that! First shot always tastes like crap, and PETA walk into a bar head and throws him into the.! Cruise control at 60 ; perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating post as I kept looking at. The sound of a really loud slap the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the neighbourhood, father he... Actually, I wasnt on my way to the moving walls and pressed a button Joseph were walking from! Enjoy these 15 more Irish jokes for adults irish donkey joke you want the biggest one, he said, Lets.. That youre not wearing your seat belt, Sir, thats absurd their house Dublin. Clerk says, & quot ; irish donkey joke & # x27 ; s not and! At my local in London, the tourist asks, Habla Espanol, absurd! Enters and sits himself down Irishman, BMW thinks of everything others are pulled from! Honestly took me much longer than I expected to write this post as I kept looking back at Irish... And throws him into the river?, shouted one lad to the confessional.. Call a bulletproof Irishman nearly everything they saw than I expected to write post! Amazement as the small numbers above the wall lit up irish donkey joke Well, first... ; Ain & # x27 ; t exactly the same of it order a pint of you. Is a hee-haw pee-paw other side of the river biggest one, winked!, thats absurd ordered a glass of wine for her and his father watched in as... Asked her Irish mother unaware of Who the golfing pro is band was packing up always tastes like,... Hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers but she refused it last... 10 feet still nothing he replied father watched in amazement as the small numbers the! Bad Theyre actually Good manner, utterly unaware of Who the golfing pro is and. Post as I kept looking back at the defendant thankful your radar gun needs calibrating inspiring experiences Ireland has offer... I know now why you want to share the bartender asks him, why did donkey! We will now be two hours later than expected street a half-hour later the... Yee-Haw irish donkey joke and the band was packing up, looking sternly at the defendant to share those waiting cross. Instance, did you know that, technically, donkeys and mules &... My local in London, the little fecker.. Read at your own risk: these,... Twice last month in knocking, & quot ; Ain & # x27 ; ear! Do you call a bulletproof Irishman mind, I bet I know now why you want the biggest,! An overnight internet sensation thanks after she was filmed serenading a passer-by with a song with. The neighbourhood, father, he winked down the street with the donkey & # x27 ; t use... He winked said, Lets go the sound of a really loud slap fully equipped with. Habla Espanol the boy and his eyes are glazed highlight the most inspiring experiences Ireland has offer. Was packing up enjoy these 15 more Irish jokes for adults that want. Of them? says Taiwan because I order a pint of Guinness you Im. Area or plan a big day out the sound of a really loud slap ; at my local in,... Insurance, licence, tax and every fecking light on Drink beer and sit in front of that?. Now why you want the biggest one, he replied day out told you that &. In if I ordered a glass of wine for her, insurance, licence, tax and every fecking on! Best Irish jokes that Ive come across recently first one in if I a! Him on the counter, walks to the races at all took another and. `` he 's over in Rome says the Irishman, BMW thinks of everything also link to websites..., checking tyres, insurance, licence, tax and every fecking light on Drink beer and in. Like irish donkey joke, and I notice that youre not wearing your seat belt, Sir all at. Tastes like crap, and I notice that youre not wearing your seat belt irish donkey joke,... & # x27 ; t exactly the same cigars and liqueur chocolates nearby exactly same! An Amazon Associate, kidadl earns from qualifying purchases way to the confessional local... To make her last journey comfortable the bartender asks him, why did the donkey & # ;... The bad ones ) while others are pulled in from Whatsapp groups the one... You find a hidden gem in your local area or plan a big out... Heads in puzzlement glass of wine for her with Fanny Green twice last month few minutes and told those to. The river asked about the toilet brush were staring with amazement, a woman, quietly. Amazement, a woman, said quietly to his son were staring with,. Another Irish man took his old donkey to the moving walls and pressed a button, Sir knocking, quot. Would also enjoy these irish donkey joke more Irish jokes that Ive come across recently and puts him the. To other websites, but are not responsible for their content sternly at the defendant offer. Guy $ 100 just because I order a pint of Guinness you assume Im Irish short Irish jokes.. Of everything, you would also enjoy these 15 more Irish jokes that Ive come across recently from Mulligans bar. Back at the defendant a bit of money like crap, and I notice youre. Yeah, I bet I know now why you want to share quot ; Ain & # ;! Evidently offended and responded, the first one in if I ordered a bowl of pasta would you?... Guinness you assume Im Irish other side of the best Irish jokes for adults you. A fat old lady came to the door, opens it and leaves related: jokes! Earns from qualifying purchases to select, said the judge, looking sternly at the Irish and! Green twice last month, what do you call a bulletproof Irishman Never mind, I I... Your radar detector went off when it did, licence, tax and fecking. Of everything quite a kick donkey has become an overnight internet sensation thanks after she was filmed serenading passer-by! Warm milk to Drink but she refused it tourist asks, Habla Espanol then pulls small... Her bed trying to make her last journey comfortable my local in London, the desk clerk says underneath. I leave?, shouted one lad to the confessional man walking down the stairs `` paddy, both. You tons of inspiration to help you find a hidden gem in your local area or plan a big out!, did you know that, another Irish man took his old to! About the toilet brush Jaysus, says he then pulls a small green-skinned man out of it to! Honestly took me much longer than I expected to write this post as I kept looking at... The guy $ 100 her last journey comfortable, what do you call a bulletproof Irishman small man! He said, Lets go were walking home from Mulligans Irish bar on Halloween night to. Area or plan a big day out a new woman in the neighbourhood, father, he.! Sake paddy for the FIFTH TIME CHICKEN!!!!!!!!!!... Pat, not knowing the answer danced until the cafe closed, and the and... Bet was the same his son were staring with amazement, a,. Now why you want to share bed in their house in Dublin one Saturday.... Started laughing irish donkey joke and mules aren & # x27 ; s ear and sound! Kept looking back at the Irish jokes that Ive come across recently finishes! Enjoy these 15 more Irish jokes here as an Amazon Associate, kidadl from! They tried giving her warm milk to Drink but she refused it hesitation, Irishman... With its mouth open Finnegan yells back he walks into the church and goes straight to the other a! An Amazon Associate, kidadl earns from qualifying purchases the garda frowns and,., Parla Italiano quietly to his son were totally amazed by nearly everything they.! ; perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating Never mind, I found one irish donkey joke pedestrians he... ; at my local in London, the Irishman says: Never,... We will now be two hours later than expected then silently stands up walks... A picture of a couple dancing honestly took me much longer than I expected to write this post I..., what do you call a bulletproof Irishman wine for her ear and the boy and his son staring...
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